a better future

today was a day of beautiful things. the sight of the 3 cycling against a backdrop of green trees and the sound of the waves. the banquet. forbidden city. it was a lovely lovely day (: the simple pleasures in life are wonderful.

i have this fascination with women figures of the past. marie antoinette, cixi, elizabeth 1, mary of scotts, victoria and so many more. all the strong women of the past. and though many of them has been painted as vicious, evil or whatever. i find there's alot underneath the layers. if u bother to peel them off. one by one. reveals something different. something new. its fascinating. and it really saddens me that their stories are so tragic.

my dance senior, hui xuan's in forbidden city, and she's apparently going to study theatre after this (: mighty mighty cool. grins. and the old cixi is fabulous. her singing's fantastic and so effortless. i bought the soundtrack. the story hits rather close to heart. shrugs. not quite sure why, but i was bawling at the end of the play. the grief was staggering to say the least. though it might not always seem the case, but i'm quite proud of being chinese. haha, sounds communist. but history like these makes me feel closer to my roots? shrugs. i'm like as china chinese u get. both my grandparents are from china. haha. and i love the rich opulent history of china (:

today as i flew along the path.. it almost felt like i was finally free. to be able to run free. like the wind. wild crazy abandonment. and for a moment with the 4 next to me. i felt almost at peace. to finally push those walls down one day. and let it all be once more.

i try to stop i really do. but once in awhile, it catches me off-guard. creeping into my mind. and it hurts. it really does.

why dream of love, when love has died.

: why dream of love :: forbidden city :

GYM GYM GYM

grumbles. i know i should be studying. but wth. its bio mcq and math s. -.- anyway. loads of videos. hahaha, i'm missing gym badly ): so humour me eh. watch the first two. my two loves (: svetlana khorkina on bars and catalina ponor on beam. both champions. teeheehee.



i rmb kayli and i couldn't stop gushing over catalina ponor. she's so bloody good on the beam. not even a wobble!



i rmb the first gymnast i loved was her. watched the bars back in 1996 i think. i can't really rmb. but i adore her bars. :D



catalina ponor's floor. very very good too.



china's fan ye's floor. hehee.





these two are really old. from like 1994. but the first one's yuan lao shi. she's the current spore national coach and she used to be the rg coach. she's super cute. and the second one's qiao ya. mel ziying and i used to train under her. she would get highly amused by e 3 of us -.-



and well this is a guy, but this is why i love tramp to death.



bars. 2004 olympic champion (: i love bars. its so fluid and lovely to watch. i rmb telling matt i wanted to watch the guys bars comp, and he gave me this look of disbelief -.- our A div high bars is a compulsory routine. hahaha.



my alexei nemov. YUM YUM YUM. hehee. this is why the hamm ugly twins should go eat shit. :p so there.



and one on rhythmic gym. i'm not usually the biggest fan of rhym gym -.- mel can testify to that. but i do admire it (:

much love to my 'b-div girls'. mel, ziying, juee, wenxin, hui hui and wan chee (: gd luck for ur promos darling. don't u dare fail econs now. hmmphs.

i want it that way

[edit] i love my angie baby (: [/edit]

you know what. i really like the person i am now. not that i think i'm perfect or anything. but i'm happy with who i am, and i really want to stay this way forever. it look me a long time to not feel offended or hurt when ppl say i'm bimbo or bitchy or nonsense shit like that. i like being all giggly and bouncy and sarcastic. and i intend to stay that way till i decide i don't want to be that person anymore. i don't want to grow up and be all serious and not know what its like to just be crazy and let go. and i really hope that a long time from now, i'll still see mel skipping along and squealing. ming making all her funny noises. rach still looking for smthing better and never settling. seto cursing. stef's 0_o and -.- angie still having her alter ego. grins. i don't want to grow up and become resigned to the situation i'm in. i hope i always remember my dreams and fight for them (:

2 papers to go (: i'm getting happier by e moment. econs mcq and drq was not bad. hope it makes up for my half done essay. grumbles.

its amazes me how you can look at me right in the eye and pretend i don't exist. how cold.

backstreet boys brings back such lovely memories of pri school. and of the bsb concert (:

: i want it that way :: backstreet boys :

heading out for bio paper soon. grumbles. really unprepared for biotech. i HATE biotech. damnit, why couldn't they have given us the sexual reproduction option. roars. i hope my biotech doesn't screw up my whole paper. i'm counting on my crapping skills and human geog knowledge from newby and scott wolfe to pull me through. hahaha.

been listening to olddd songs lately. from the 60s 70s 80s and 90s. lovely lovely (:

How did I ever let you slip away
Never knowing I'd be singing this song someday
And now I'm sinking sinking to rise no more
Ever since you closed the door

If I could turn turn back the hands of time
Then my darlin' you'd still be mine
If I could turn turn back the hands of time
Then my darlin' you'd still be mine
Funny funny how time goes by
And blessings are missed in the wink of an eye
Why oh why oh why should one have to go on suffering
When every day I plead please come back to me

And you had enough love for the both of us
But I, I did you wrong I admit I did
But now I'm facing the rest of my life alone

I'd never hurt you (If I could turn back)
Never do you wrong (If I could turn back)
And never leave your side (If I could turn back)
If I could turn back the hands
There'll be nothing I wouldn't do for you (If I could turn back)
Forever honest and true to you (If I could turn back)
If you accept me back in your heart, I love you

If I could turn back the hands
(If I could turn back) That would be my will
(If I could turn back) Darlin' I'm begging you to take me by the hands
If I could turn back the hands
I'm going down yes I am (If I could turn back)
Down on my bended knee yeah (If I could turn back)
And I'm gonna be right there until you return to me
If I could turn back the hands
(If I could turn back) If I could just turn back that little clock on
the wall
(If I could turn back) Then I'd come to realize how much I love you,
love you, love you, love you, love you
If I could turn back the hands

and i just realised how wonderfully funny full house is (: hahaha.

: turn back the hands of time :: r kelly :

past and present

i miss screw. grumbles. and i realise i've organized the week after prelims so i'll be spending with all the most impt ppl in my life (: i love it.

spent the whole day tossing the past and present back and forth. didn't study at all. whoopee. anyway, i think i really have to learn to let go of the past. know when to say goodbye. or when not to say hello anymore. its like if i see someone i know, i have to say hello. shrugs. some weird mechanism within me. but it makes letting go all so much harder.

everything tells a story. every single item has a memory connected to it. i'm super good at remembering the smallest things (yet i can't rmb my bio -.-) like the first time char intro-ed me to 'memory'. getting poked awake by ming in class. carrying my red cooler to gym. buying the same leotard as cheryl. my orange pouch. the consoling words rach had for me after i sprained my ankle and couldn't play netball. all these things cling relentlessly to me. be it trivial or massive. it just floats in my consciousness, and then when i see a related object. the memories will just pop up. so it seems like i'm endlessly living in the past.

i think i realise why that impacted me so greatly.

: why :: rain :

can i be your memory?

i've been slacking at home. watching mtv. spending hell lot of money -.- and not studying. this is BAD. hahaha. i refuse to go out cos then i'll feel less guilty :p

oh goodness. you guys have got to see this video (: i love it to death. its not the official mtv. but its so bloody cool. right up stef's alley. sugarcult's memory. the love of my life. hahaha. everyone who knows me knows i love this song to death. char intro-ed to me. brings back such lovely memories of hk. char, justin and yi peng. all the nonsense shit we did. i haven't talked to char properly in like a yr ): i hate this. and also reminds me of dec. well happy and not so happy.



happy birthdays to debs. jeremy. and well my daddy too.

i dread and look forward to the future. i crave the past, yet the past tortures me. contradictions contradictions.

: memory :: sugarcult :

up and down. here we go

whahaha. i'm a happy happy girl (: my marc jacobs dress i bought from ebay just came and it fits perfectly. grins. math today wasn't AS bad as i expected, cos i only finished stats at 4.30 am this morning -.- i hate stats! hear me roar.

hahahaha. justin timberlake's new music is really head-thumping addictive :p hahaha. i admit he's sexy, in a boyish man kinda way. but not usually my type. too happy in e past. haha, now that he's getting a bit darker and sexier. yummy.

i've seriously become hooked on vintage shopping. esp on ebay. i loveeee vintage. i love that fact that everything comes with a story. who wore it, wore it to what. and now i wear it and create my own story (: plus i love it that its one of a kind. hahaha. i told angie i intend to keep all my pretty stuff and definitely all my shoes and pass it on next time.

prelims are seriously draining. grumbles. very sleep deprived. and i have a whole slew of papers next week still. rahhh. but at least there's thursday night with mel and suefaye, fri with screw, fri night with mummy, daddy and jie, sat with jie, sun with mummy, mon with mel and then e class, and HOPEFULLY tues and weds in kl/bangkok with jie. and then a night out with debs (: life's looking pretty perky. hahaha.

rainy day today. happy day (: running abt in e rain with mel. grins. love my lil sis. 2 good deeds of the day. hehee.

: sexy back :: justin timberlake :

its with sudden clarity i realise. that to london lies my goal. what i've been working for. yet, to america, lies the possibility of a dream. to reach that goal or that dream, i really don't want to choose. i'll just leave it all up to which uni takes me i suppose..

btw. i'm mother screwed for prelims -.-

: travellin' thru :: dolly parton :

dead dead dead

roars. ebay and sleep are gonna be the downfall of my prelims -.- i feel like a little fish in the sea. being swept along by the tides and not really having much of direction or choice of direction. gahhh. i've been wailing about this to quite a few ppl. mel, ming, angie. hahaha. mel just can't get over my 5am call. heh.

i'm amazed at what some ppl do for stress relief 0_o mel and juee should know. gosh, and i thought my online shopping was bad. that kind of shit is just plain stupid. goodness.

my mum's dragging me out for a fashion show tmr 0_o sometimes i wonder if she is really THAT anal abt results. or is it just cos of my dad. hahaha. my prelims is in 2 days and i'm getting dragged to a fashion show. brilliance. but not like i did anything to show i wasn't willing :p hahaha.

i'm off to salvage my chem. i hope i don't crash and burn.

bio-clock! time to head back to normal. or rather abnormal (for me). hahaha.

: i want you to want me :: letters to cleo :

falling

i was so close to the edge last night. i've never felt that way before. its rather weird for me. and i sometimes grapple with the fact that things don't flow so nicely anymore. i still get there in the end, but the path to the end isn't a walk in the park. and i'm so used to everything being effortless, its hard sometimes. and to let go of certain ghosts of the past.

i'm missing char ):

: memory :: sugarcult :

black and white

i stare at the photos. compare them with mine. compare with the mental pictures in my head. its all the same. and yet its so different. its like hello and goodbye at the same time. its no longer piercing. but rather a dull thud. deep inside. weighing me down. like i swallowed a stone. and its resting there inside of me. i can't wait for the day i can throw that stone away. but there will always be that impression left by the stone inside of me. and that's smthing i doubt will ever go away.

i've officially shifted into stress-mode. roars.

: jie kou :: jay chou :

to dance..

i'm really missing dancing. the feeling of just letting go. nat sent around this ballet video on e dancers group. and i realise i always feel this wistful sadness everytime i watch ballet. i kinda regret giving up ballet in sec2. i miss the discipline, the consistency of it all. and of course dancing. i haven't forgotten the moves, but my turn-out's like shit now. haha. the price u pay of doing latin. ah wells, as they say when a door closes, another opens. out the other door i go.

champagne brunch was yummy goodiness today. got me rather high and whoopee-ish. hahaha. bad bad bad for studying. but the brunch had been set a month-ish ago with my relatives. shrugs.

off to write my personal statement -.-

: set fire to the third bar :: snow patrol :

tired

upsetting dreams. that had me wanting it continue, but at the same time torturing myself in my sleep. sighs. torturous is the world alright.

deb. i'm really sorry i haven't been able to go out with you. after my prelims alright? i'm really behind in my work now. i'm sorry to all those i let down the past yr. that seems to be all i've been doing this yr anyway.

why do i sleep and still wake up tired. grumbles. my sleeping time's all whacked now. i sleep at 8am and wake up at like 3 or 4 pm. gee. how wonderful. hahaha, i'm just trying to finish everything i want to for prelims. gah. i really hope i can. online shopping's gonna be the bane of my prelims. but its become this stress-relief thingy. like if i don't get to check my shopping sites online, i get abit frazzled. this is insane.

sighs. off to this meaningless absorption of information -.-

the world has lost its gleam

: i don't want to say goodbye :: teddy thompson :